she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
two words: eviction party
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
