Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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