I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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