Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
