Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
