I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
