dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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