is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
