dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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