um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Randomize