im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
