Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
