Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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