me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
