I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
