i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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