I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
