We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
vagina is talking i cant
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
