Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
