First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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