Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
