i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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