Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
