Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
