But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
