I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
