I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ugly people sure do ruin things
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize