Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I cockslap morals
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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