I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
