Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My life is pants optional.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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