he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
