wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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