Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The power of my boobs compel you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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