After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
