so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
