I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize