I'm really into asian looking animals
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
