Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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