I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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