dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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