New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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