girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
