After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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