Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
