So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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