dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
