So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
