my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
