I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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