Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
