My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
