im drinking this country out of the recession.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
