oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
