Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
