oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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