I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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