Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize