Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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