I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
