i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
