Someone shit on the floor
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
