So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
