I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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