Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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