dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
