that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize