I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
