we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
