Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My vagina just clenched in fear
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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