apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
