We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
