Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
