I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
