Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
