Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
