So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
