Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize