i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
