I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
