If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
