I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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