She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
