not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
