All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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