i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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