i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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