If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
