coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've blown a few things in my day
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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