My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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