her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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