On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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