You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
