So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize