they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
