Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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