so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
