garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
