His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
