she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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