i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
