Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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