Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
