Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
