just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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