I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
