Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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