Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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