You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
