i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
