I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
