he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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