How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My liver just had a heart attack.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
