Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
